SURRENDER.

Surrender-to admit that you have been defeated and want to stop fighting. I woke up on the third day of 2021 and it was still 2020. No, it was not a bad dream or a miscalculation it was very much 3rd January 2021 but looking and feeling altogether like all 25 months of 2020. I was ready to give in, give up, I felt lost in a loop.

“Hope deferred makes the heart sick …” Proverbs 13:12

It’s fun to relate to verses like “He who dwells in the shelter of the most High will rest in the shadow of the Almighty” or “she laughs without fear of the future.” I was however feeling pretty much proverbs 13:12, I was feeling sick; sick in my spirit and sick in my soul. So much so, I was beginning to feel physically sick. I’m not going to lie, I thought 2021 would step in and everything would change. No virus, new job, no debts... I was even looking at wedding dresses if you catch my drift. However, 2021 came by talking of new virus strains, no emails saying congratulations, no ring on my ring finger. I bet the same goes for many of us, we hoped a parent would stop drinking, a form of abuse would end, financial breakthrough, healing, new energy, restoration…yet everything seemed to have been the same. I use the word seemed because things always change, even if not on the surface or close to it. It just takes a while for us to recognize.

Why, my soul, are you downcast? Why so disturbed within me? Psalms 43:5

We can and should share our frustrations with God about the wait. He can handle our grief. If you don’t have the words , David has a couple of psalms that hit the right spot. Tell Him exactly how you feel ;tired , frustrated , like giving up , abandoned … He is after all a wonderful counselor!! I struggled with telling God how I felt because I knew what I thought was untrue. I knew God had not left me and He had not forgotten me but it was also true when I felt those feelings. It didn’t mean God had actually abandoned me but acknowledging the feelings allowed God to meet me at that point and reaffirm me in a way only He can. No powerful quote or catchy lyric can pick us up the way God Himself can.

“Hope does not disappoint” Romans 5:5

Hope, such an interesting thing hope. The Oxford dictionary defines it as ‘to want something to happen and think that it is possible.’ There are many things I have wanted and believed strongly would happen yet have been disappointed by hope way too many times. The word of God is true, so if hope doesn’t disappoint or put us to shame as some translations read, how come we still end up in a funk after waiting and sometimes never receiving what we waited for. Why is it that these deep longings unfulfilled cause us such distress? But then again, where is your hope? Is your hope like the song goes “built on nothing else, but Jesus blood and righteousness “or do we hope in that job, that opportunity, that friend, that guy, everything else but God. If we are being completely honest we will realize sometimes we are waiting for that connection from someone who knows someone who knows someone who knows the brother of the wife of the boss’s cousin. Our hope is often not entirely in God.

I have a confession, I may have split all the verses above in half, partial information if you may; an incomplete picture. A lot like what we go through life with, an incomplete picture. Proverbs 13:12 finishes off with “but a longing fulfilled is a tree of life,’ a symbol that longings are fulfilled. Psalms 43:5 reminds us that in spite of the pain to “put your hope in God, for I will yet praise him, my Savior and my God” there is Hope in God, a saving God. The finished work on the cross is the only complete picture. Romans 5:5 ends with a reason why this hope in God never fails “because the love of God has been poured out within our hearts through the Holy Spirit who was given to us”- we have the Holy spirit given to us from God whose love does not allow us to be in a state of shame. When we have God in our hearts, our hopes are not out of our own desires but God’s desire in us. When we have this, we can experience fulfillment of our desires as we live in obedience of His will. Are we abiding in God and Him in us, are our eyes fixed on Jesus?

Surrender – an act of giving something to somebody else even though you don’t want to. It’s time we refocus on God, fixed our eyes on Him. Looking back at proverbs, it speaks of hope deferred, deferred means delayed, not withheld nor forgotten , delayed. God sometimes delays us for our good, Romans 8:28 clearly says ALL things work together for the good of those who are called according to His purpose . Even the pauses and long, loooooong waits . He knows best and I bet He understands that His ways are often seemingly confusing so it’s not a crime to feel defeated and wanting to give in, retreat, but what are you giving in to? Is it guilt, shame and regret or is it into invited Grace , freedom and forgiveness. Our surrender needs to be to God, fully giving our lives and circumstances over to Him, even when we do not want to or feel like we do not have the capacity to.

David grieved to God, like a lot…however, he always conclude with a praise to God who still sits on the throne and who was and is and will always be in control . Those are the facts. Another fact is things won’t always be like this. You won’t always not have a job, like forever … you won’t always be sad, you won’t always be alone, always be in pain, always fail. I once read that the only always, always being a constant, is God. He always there, always loving us, always planning good for us. Now that’s a living hope.

Brothers and sisters, we do not want you to be uninformed about those who sleep in death, so that you do not grieve like the rest of mankind, who have no hope. 1 Thessalonians 4:13

Yes, this verse is almost always used in funerals because it is after all about death but I believe it can be in other situations too. Mourning a lost opportunity, an ended friendship, family strife, fatigue, illness … a death of sorts, affirming us that we do not mourn like those who do not have hope. We mourn, notice we still do mourn because trials and hardships are a part of this side of eternity , but we mourn with an assurance of a loving father who is holding us the entire way and another side of eternity where we are united with this Father and can live in an everlasting joy. May this word encourage you as it had me that even if nothing seems to have changed. God is still at work!!! Let that be our truth and may it lead us to surrender fully to Him, withholding nothing.

Ps. This is not a blog, it's my letter to you

Love, Mary :)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZdnV75zIQUA